I just rediscovered the pleasures of television. The wait for a movie to start, commercial breaks when one can get something to bite are a welcome relief from the “on-demand” nature of LAN. I remember how many times in kgp when I planned to watch a movie, but ended up getting short term satisfaction from an episode of Prison Break or Seinfeld. The sheer lethargy that crept in by the thought of sitting for 2 hours used to be very overwhelming. Now I just switch on and bump in the middle of something going on and keep watching. Have seen so many pending movies on “HBO” !! Shameful after bringing 1.2 Tb of DC’s best :)

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I once read somewhere that nostalgia can be a tricky affair. It is like an edited recollection of past events where you only remember the pleasant moments, where you felt loved and missed by those around you, and where there were no overpowering unpleasant moments to get distracted. Even though this outlook always captures one’s imagination with the vocal “Oh yeah !! So true !”, I beg to differ. I generally recall the total package, with dominance of the bad days. The good ones are taken for granted. One of the biggest factors that affect “my” nostalgia consists of the people around me. I mean who am I kidding? We all know that man is a social animal and I am no exception. Presently I feel the moment to be appropriate nostalgia-wise to pen some thoughts about this aspect of my life.

There have been three main phases of friendships I’ve had up till now. All of them are classified according to geography. My father has a transferable job and hence my past 22 years have consisted me moving from one place to another. I have never had a clear answer to the question of “Where is your hometown?” It obviously led to many embarrassing moments during the senior-junior “interactions” in college, especially with excessive sweat and no pants and the desire to be honest. This is my personal identity crisis. I am a Punjabi by birth, Hindi by tongue guy who has spent the majority of his time in Rajasthan. This has evidently created problems in terms of group-ism, as there was never a clear cut group among my peers which I could join.

Phase I of F.R.I.E.N.D.S was in Jaipur starting from year 1994. I was in class II and a lot more innocent and gullible as compared to the current situation. I was expecting to meet many people as innocent and gullible. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case and after studying in Jaipur for 6 years, I was always the most innocent and gullible kid in spite of getting my ass kicked left, right and centre. My mother still misses my former self as that was when I never argued with her and did what she desired and of course because of the baby pink hue of my cheeks. My memory of phase I in general consists of my lonely recess sessions having food, the acute nervousness in terms of conversation with my outspoken peers and the sorry, pathetic staring at the two girls (crushes) at the next desk within a span of three years. It was during class VII when I suddenly started opening up, but it was too late as my family was shifting to Delhi by the end of the year. Nostalgia again started playing tricks on my mind as I could only remember the recent burst of extrovert-ness. I conveniently forgot my moments of misery because the incoming change was freaking me out. I mean Delhi meant meaner kids and tougher times. My mother actually went to an astrologer with a query regarding any possibility of change in my present punching bag status. I don’t know what the old man said, but there were definitely going to be a difference.

Phase II begins in the year 2000 with admission in my cousin sister’s school. I starkly remember my conversation with SP (for protecting his identity).

SP: So you’re new!!?

Me: Yeah.

SP: Okai, Hi dog !!! My name is S.

Me: You’re a dog !!
(Please note my immediate defence mechanism and the lamest counter statement ever made. This was mainly due to the bunch of hypocrites I spent time with for the past 6 years who bitched about everyone behind their backs but considered swearing equivalent to crossing the line.)

SP: Okai…….I am a dog then. That guy is a dog ! The entire world is full of fucking dogs !! Happy ?

Me: Huh !

SP: Listen dude….how would you feel if we met 10 years later and I address you by your first name? I mean friends don’t do that ! Swearing is symbolic of the deep bond we share that we don’t mind calling each other dogs.

This conversation simply explains the kind of people I met in Delhi. They were frank, in the face, and said what came to their minds. If they disliked someone, they would say so, instead of pretending anything. Secondly, there were no groups or clubs. I met many people who were facing a similar identity crisis as me. It took me hardly one week to get adjusted and then started the most significant part of my social life. I started to talk and lost my outer damaged shell. Even though I didn’t succeed much in telling some girls my true feelings about them, it was still a big step up at that moment. There were of course off days when I came to know of the materialistic pretense of many of my friends. I could see how conscious they were of their shoes, their fluency in English, or the overall demeanor which makes one differentiate between the “popular” and the not so popular geeks. I could find similarities in my school mates with characters from so many teen movies, getting both interested and repulsed at the same time. Our school trip to Pondicherry really kicked off my first moments of actual friendship and camaraderie, which are still part of my happy place. My two years of JEE preparation of course reduced my interaction with the popular guys due to key difference of priorities. I often had the sadistic outlook of pity towards the rich kids who sucked at studies and played basketball throughout the day thinking with pleasure how I have found focus in my life and they have not. It turned out to be fruitless labor as these kids were too rich to struggle in life. They are still partying in American and British Universities as we lesser mortals look at their pics on Facebook with envy. This was how I realized the giant gap between the upper and middle class. It can be seen that this phase of F.R.I.E.N.D.S is filled with elation and joy of finally being accepted somewhere and also the confusion and fogginess of adolescence.

My most important phase started in 2004 with admission at IIT. I have mentioned before many times that this place is a great leveler and I will now state why. I was suddenly shifted from a place of pretense and showiness to a merit based institution in the vast rural-ness of Bengal. In spite of being barren and devoid of the pleasures of a metropolis, I cherish something very invaluable about this place. For the first time, I witnessed people not being judged by looks, clothes, money, proficiency of English, but for who they really are. Guys/Girls who on the face look like cannon fodder for places mentioned in phase I/II are appreciated and respected for their abilities and talents. As hostel life enables one to be 24x7 with other people, character becomes very important. I myself judged so many people in the beginning, only being bogged down by their genuineness. Even though there were many social mishaps, but five years is a long time and I never claimed to be perfect. This has been the phase which I hope won’t fade in it’s impact for a long time. This is perhaps the last phase of it’s kind in my life.

Vellapan ke side effects

"Those were really tough times."

This was something I always dreamt of saying.

Aren't we all subconsciously impressed by a person born in say 1921 and still living. I mean this guy must have witnessed and been affected by so many historical events…………………………………British Rule, WW II, the Indo-Pak wars, emergency, Amitabh Bachan's almost fatal injury on the sets of Coolie. There is always that calm wisdom embedded in his conversation, lines of hardship on the forehead, reassuring firmness in the handshake.

THE financial crisis (TFC) has been a stepping stone for me in that journey. It can be a similar thing for countless students all over the country seeking employment, if they are ready to take it in my spirit.

I will not lie like every company's HR person during a PPT.....we were not immune at all :) It affected our health, wealth, and happiness by bringing changes in time tested trends. All the corridor discussions, analysis, conjectures regarding placements were turning out to be pointless. They just became a sadly prosaic way of killing time which was available in plenty. I owe so many good things to TFC though. I renewed some of my interests like cricket, TT, hurling stones at tree trunks, gossip, watching movies having too many sequels/prequels (Rocky, StarWars, Rambo), spying on orkut scrapbooks, thinking of ways to beat people I dislike.etc.

After three weeks of being involved in the above mentioned activities, some arab guys came and selected me and five of my batch mates as Architects. I came home two days after this miracle. I had some plans for home this time. I wanted to read a bit, spend less time online and on TV. But my indulgence and pre-selection interests are lingering on. I strain myself to wake up every morning, creating temporary wrinkles on my forehead. HUHHH !!!

Starvation by chance

7:32pm- Saturday night

I have that weird feeling in my stomach.....the one that indicates a void.....the sense of craving for something.............anything.....................before I lose the energy to get it myself...........I wan't food !!!

The Hall Nescafe guy is unwell......allergic cold i think. My selfishness makes me immune to his troubles. Can I get something from the tuck shop downstairs ?? Naa........I am too sick of the Hide and Seek, the Bingos, Merri?cake. I need something that fills me up. Some real carbs, roughage.

Got dressed up..........my wallet is heavy for a change- money shouldnt be an issue today.

8:01pm- Sahara Restaurant (take note of the irony :))
The order number is 72. I try to find a pattern in the food being brought out. 12, 43, 23, 21, 57....beats me ! I guess I could have asked for something simple and functional instead of the elaborate affair. How could I forget the first rule......lesser is faster....shucks !

9:50pm- the unnamed savior came with my lot. I couldn't identify half the things. Everything was luke warm and I didn't have the energy to complain.

I was just another victim of monopoly; but in this entire mess, there was something chillingly pleasant.
You can be the golf links, aviators sporting dude........or the person who prefers buying a new refil instead of a new ball point, you would have to wait for 2 hours to be served junk that saturday night :)

This place is a great leveller

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Things are never clear........but i am expected to focus. Its like a soup out there.............................people also call it "life". hahh!! Of course it is full of stuff. Lets not talk about love; too complex and tedious.
Four years with pencils and lines wasn't that bad. It was scary in the beginning........afterall i wasnt supposed to do it, i didn't slog for it. It was a compromise with which i learnt to live, and eventually liked to a certain extent. The hard work and time invested has given it some value. It is now something I don't want to leave point-blank. But still cannot see myself doing it for the rest of my time. Is this a student mid-life crisis :) ?

Summer pics

A compressed album......................there were many more buildings :P

http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/niks269

Diary #??

I labeled my previous post “Champaign Diary #1” with steep expectations of updating it regularly with #2,3,4 etc etc. Urghhh….I am a lazy bum…QED !
Sight seeing in Champaign was limited to the nearby Indian Grocery store called Annapoorna, which had a decent collection of Hindi DVDs, calling cards, frozen paranthas, frozen samosas, frozen everything for people who just cannot go beyond the microwave. Another exciting place was the CVS store(it is like a younger sibling of the Walmart, located at every street corner throughout the country), where I used to get into the homely-domestic mode, pushing the trolley through aisles and looking for cereal, 2% fat milk(hehe), bread, chips. I could instantly visualize myself as the helpful, caring life partner every woman dreams of.
I went to Chicago again over the third weekend. It was even better than the first time, even though I broke many records when it came to going around. I took a one and half hour boat tour through the Chicago river, saw three museums, went to a planetarium right next to Lake Michigan, attended a baseball match(Chicago White Sox vs Houston Astros………….as if I care :) , and also watched a movie, all in one day. Even though I was dead tired, it was nice to walk around the downtown, using the subway, talking to random people at the roadside café. It felt funny to just sit sipping great coffee, watching other people rush here and there, having all the time in the world.
The next week in Champaign was in a way eventful. My roomie’s friend just got her dissertation accepted and there was party at home. It was my first house party, and of course I was curious ;) The best thing was the unlimited supply of beer, and the house was full of people who just needed 2 bottles to open up. It was interesting to be the only twenty year old among thirty somethings. We talked, danced and got wasted :D
Work meanwhile was becoming more and more hectic. After trying to get an idea of TRACE 700, I was given a lot of data to streamline and convert it into graphs for analysis. It was all familiar MS Excel which wasn't such a problem. I also worked on a lighting modeling software called Lithonia which calculates things like max, min, average lumens on various surfaces with a particular lighting arrangement. After two days of searching google for various luminaires and doing a lot of guesswork(intuition :)) I showed the results to Ben. He said “hmmm…ahmmmm…….good job”. Americans they say are dumb.